"Carry-Overs" | How well are you managing them?

 

What keeps you going?

For many, it is a personal drive to advance to the attainment of goals and achievements that they desire, outside of any stimulus from the circumstances they were born into. They somehow have a clean slate on which they identify the things that they will go after. While this is not a perfect slate, and may have underlying challenges, it is one hoped for by many. Be it for themselves, children, or as a lasting legacy for generations to come.

For others, the slate is not blank at all. Instead, it has a lot of "carry-overs." These can be different for a lot of persons and they can be similar too. A lot of persons born with these "carry-overs" may not have achieved their attainment. Some persons have achieved some and are still striving, while others - may just be getting started.

What exactly are these "carry-overs?" 

You may very well feel an inkling by now as to what they are and may have sub-consciously identified those unique to you. You no longer need to read between the lines, as some are expressed below.

"Carry-overs" as I call them, are acts and omissions (things to do or not to do) that were or were not done by our immediate forefathers/mothers, parents, siblings, relatives and guardians too, resulting in a lesser quality of life and opportunities that would make our lives, as continuing family members better.

Like I rightly alluded, "carry-overs" may be different or similar to individuals, families and communities all across the globe. Feelings associated with "carry-overs" can be negative and positive depending on the expectations attached.

In order to provide the most relatable analogies of "carry-overs", I will refer to Jamaica. Examined here, are gender, education, residency and opportunities.

Gender

Many Jamaican women are head of their households (whether by choice or circumstances) and work hard to support their families alone as they are single mothers, some of which, had teenaged pregnancies. Within the context of this blog, these outcomes are not being ridiculed nor scoffed at. It is with these identifiers, that I can now introduce the idea that these mothers may not want the same for their girls. Likewise, their girls may strive to not "carry-over" something like teenage pregnancy. For girls who do not become teenaged mothers, this may be a major accomplishment, especially if their mother was a teenaged mother. This omission to "carry-over" would have broken that pattern and that burden would disappear … resurfacing again - perhaps when another girl becomes a teenager.

Similarly, there are boys and men who would have experienced their fathers being unconcerned with their upbringing. Their fathers may have been abusive to members of the household, led unhealthy or unlawful lifestyles or were emotionally unavailable. Being witnesses this, they would strive to not "carry-over" those practices in their lives and that of the families they go on to create. This here, is another example of the omissions type of "carry-over." Should the boy grow to adopt these characteristics, the pattern would be perpetuated and the burden to omit, transferred to another boy in the family, growing into manhood.

"Carry-overs" like those, relating to gender are usually widespread in our society and sometimes become more of a societal issue than a family issue.

Education

As it relates to education, particularly secondary and tertiary, a lot of persons are first in their families or one of few in their families to pursue and also attain the experiences and certification these levels comprise of. In some families, the older adults did not have the opportunities to attend school. We hear stories, where our parents, grand parents or even great grand parents would have had to seek trades i.e. carpentry or dressmaking at an early age, because education was not available or affordable for them. Some adults today, had the educational opportunities but may have somehow, not utilize them properly. The reasons abound and vary significantly.

The crux of the matter however, is that persons born into this family, would have been striving then, to clear that pattern of illiteracy or the unestablished pattern of higher education. This "carry-over" is usually seen as the way maker for countless possibilities that can transform the lives of individuals and families.  

Many households place education on a pedestal and some parents sacrifice immensely to ensure their children are educated. 

Residency

Comment to let me know if it is your observation as well, that all across Jamaica there are plenty of unfinished houses, and for many houses that are complete, it took years and possibly more than three generations to have done so. Many persons "carry-over" the desire to either complete their parent's/parents' home or to be homeowners as a result of circumstances they were born in. Some persons may have never owned nor had a home. As a result, this acts as a stimulus towards homeownership. 

Similarly, location comes into play. A lot of persons today, already have on their slates, the goal to reside elsewhere from their childhood homes. This may be due to unpleasant experiences or associations with a particular place, resulting in the desire to seek out a better plot of land for one's place of abode. Sometimes this includes living abroad.

Opportunities

It is no surprise that we all seek out different opportunities. Oftentimes for very similar end results. For instance, earning more money, advancing on the social ladder, learning new skills, personal and professional growth and even charitable causes.

Regardless of the reasons for which persons seek out opportunities, "carry-overs" sometimes come in to play. These "carry-overs" can be linked to the ones outlined above. This is no coincidence. For persons to achieve their goals and ambitions in life, they constantly seek and take on opportunities. 

Sometimes, it is a missed opportunity that costs someone the burden of having "carry-overs." On the contrary, an opportunity grasped could well mean that goals are actualized or have become closer within reach.

How does one strike a balance between charting their own course un-regrettably and living to mend the breaks "carried-over" in their life? Do you really get to strike a balance?

My tips to Lady Justice are:

• First, believe in yourself. This belief in self will be an indomitable spirit needed to go after the goals you set.

• Clear your thoughts of what is expected of you versus what you expect of yourself. Are you expected to be the first engineer in your family but your passion is screaming pharmacist? Too often, the "carry-overs" faced, are the personal goals and wishes that others had for themselves or for the reputation of the family. These goals are planted within us, and we begin to believe them as our own passions.

• For the "carry-overs" that you absolutely feel the desire to achieve or omit, outline a plan. Step by step, day in - day out. Devising a workable and manageable plan will help you to feel less burdened in achieving them.

• Talk to the people who you think have caused or added to your "carry-over," this talk may clear up misunderstandings. You may well believe that a sibling or parent who have omitted to do something in their lives, thinks you should act on it. They may very well tell you that it is not an expectation of you or that you will be supported, if you too omit on such a task. Similarly, if the expectation does exists, you can speak up about whether you are burdened or excited by it. Sometimes they are willing to help you - if only they know of the burdens you face, or help you may need.

• Don't forget to live your life! Don't go merely existing and hoping to live through someone else's opportunities or existence. Celebrate your life and lead a fulfilling one. That way, you will know what it feels like to allow others, (be it your own children or others in general) to live their very own life as well!