The Problem with Help is...

 Help is complex street. Whether you walk or drive, you can help and you can be helped. Generally, helping is a good thing and for sure, there are billions of areas where help is often solicited and rendered.

So, what problem could there possibly be with helping? Like I said, it is a complex street. For your safety, be alert.

As you walk this stretch of life, you are sure to come across persons who help you out of sheer love and a humble calling within themselves to offer assistance to you. You too, may be this energy of help to others. Within this realm of help, there is oftentimes genuine gratitude on the part of the receiver...I hope. This genuine gratitude is facilitated by the organic feeling emanating from the idea that the source has no oblique intentions.

 The source of this help does not hold you honour-bound and is not associated with feelings of obligation and score keeping. It is the type of help that sets you free. The type of help that boldens you to disagree if needs be, with the source - without worry of withdrawal and sabotage. Often times, it is the type of help that finds you. Remember it and do not be ungrateful. And if you are that source of this pure energy of help, stick to your gut as it will continue to lead you to the gratitude-filled.

It is already hard for many, to 'swallow their pride' ask for or accept help or do both. Imagine how much harder it must be, living with feelings of unhealthy indebtedness, fear of broadcast of the help received and a smalling up of yourself to be in strict alignment always with the source of your help?

For this reason, a counter thought exists for the notion that persons have 'poor help seeking behaviours'. In essence, persons reach out late or not at all when faced with situations that they can barely help themselves out of. It is usually scolded, sometimes lightly and with sympathy if the situation surfaces and potential help lines up. At this point, there may be sweet relief for the person whom was helped and a new found consciousness to actively seek help in future.

Sounds great, right? It does indeed. 

However, there is a counter thought. What about persons with 'poor help rendering behaviours'?

For sure, sources of help analyse their time and resources of any fashion that they intend to render to the receiver. In this process, many think about what is in it for themselves. A kind of transaction, praise, pension or upper hand. This is the problem, with help. Especially in situations that are not in alliance with that type of outcome. 

Were you ever in a situation where you received help and it felt like the source of your help is likely to keep scores?

Have you ever rendered help on the basis that you would have the upper hand or be praised? Was this agreed on by the receiver of your help?

Think about all you have read so far. Then join me in assessing another complexity of help, the aspect of exploitation.

There exist persons who will be bold about soliciting your help. This is normal and it can be healthy but in some instances, exploitative. Extracting your kindness, time, connections, resources etc. for selfish gains while making it out to be all good and well on the surface, while the persons rendering this kind of help gets drained, spread thin and manipulated.

The ideal thing to do is to spot it and stop it. Still, it may prove harder than that for some persons.

My tips to Lady Justice are:

• If you decide to help, make sure you really want to help. Your heart cries out. Your soul melts and you feel as though helping is its own reward.

• Solicit help from people who care to help without unfair conditionalities and whose passions and purposes align with what you are seeking help about.

• Be clear on the agreements and terms of help. Do you understand them? Do you accept them?

• Consider whether your kindness, time, connections and resources are being exploited. Staying in situations like those do not serve you. It serves the exploiters at the expense of your goodwill.

• Do not stop helping or asking for help just because the topic is complex. Assess each situation on its unique bearing and follow through accordingly.